I like-like a boy now.

Its been so long that I didn’t even notice for a while.

It was like 8pm at night and I was sitting in theatre rehearsal and I was like “Jeez. This is the fifth time I’ve thought about this guy all day. Usually I only think this much about fandom. What the fuck is going on.”

Then I was like “Wait. Think about what would happen if he let you hold his hand.” and then I had to control my smiling lest people think I’m some kind of mad-person/freak as I sit there grinning and no one has said anything at all to me. 

And then I realized that this is what having a crush is like. 

I haven’t had a legit crush on someone in over 6 years. Usually I just sleep with people or date them because I can. Or see someone I like and just snatch them up and wring them dry. 

But now my face gets all hot and my heart skips beats and I’m all types of awkward acting and I JUST WANT IT TO STOP.